The Bushman

It occurs to me that, like many of our nations great presidents, that the current captain of our beloved capitol ship doesn't really have a presidential nickname. Well yes, I'm well aware that there are many things that President George W. Bush is called; some flattering, and some not. So far, however, I don't believe that I've heard any that may be suitable to accompany his name in the history books. George Washington, the first captain of the ship, is, of course, known as the" Father of our country." Abraham Lincoln was called the "Great emancipater. " "Give 'em Hell Harry" was the epithet attatched to Harry Truman. Richard "I am not a crook" Nixon, due to the infamy surrounding his term had the second appellation of "Tricky Dick." And even Nixons' successor, Gerald Ford earned a reputation as the "Chevy Chase" of the White House. So I feel that it is only fair that President Bush be granted such an honor as the proud, sure-footed commander and chief of the good 'ole US of A in these here troubled and historically significant times.

I have given this matter a good many ponderous minutes of pondering and I have come up with a few ideas; most of which I've had to dismiss for obvious reasons. And don't get me wrong, I think the man is doing as good a job as he knows how. I agree with some of his policies and disagree with others, so I'm not putting him down." I'm just tryin to have some fun."

I thought, "Curious George," was a good one until it occurred to me that I was actually the curious one. Curious as to what he is saying some of the time; what he is doing at other times; why he's doing it, and when he is going to come up with something equally as baffling . And, "What the hell is he saying, doing, why, and what's next, George W?" just doesn't roll off the tongue very well.

"The Great Enunciater" doesn't work well either, for obvious reasons.

I considered something like, "The ExSadamnator," but pronounced improperly it might convey the wrong connotation.

The phrase, "No more taxes Tessie," came out of nowhere and demanded that it be included in this piece otherwise it would make public certain nocturnal practices of mine that I would rather not have made public, and I categorically deny. And even though there is absolutely no truth to the rumors, whatever they are, I thought it prudent to humor the phrase and to settle out of court; in the dead of night, in a vacant lot, with no witnesses.

I thought I was dead on with, "The Bushwacker," but then I remembered that Bill Clinton had that one sewn up tight with his antics in the "Oral Office."

I toyed with using, " The Supreme shrubbery," but then there'd be an entire generation of Americans saying, "Neek-Neek," all of the time and that would get old right quick.

I even considered, "George of the Concrete Jungle" but, maaaaan, the cat don't swing, you dig?

We can't call him, "The Man" because that's already being fought over by Roseanne and Ellen DeGenerus.

Boy George is taken, St.George is taken, Uncle George is taken ( That's my Uncle George; Hi how ya doin'? How's things in Virginia?) and Georgie Porgie won't work because the inference is more along the Clinton line."

So, what should we nickname our president? Should we even give him a nickname? I think he should have one since he has many controversial policies that are having such a large impact on the rest of the world as well as our own nation. Good intentions aside, he seems to have a habit of putting us in situations where the rest of the world, including our allies, seen to be standing off to one side saying; "What are you doing?" or, "What were you thinking?" Maybe "The Lone Ranger" would be appropriate; I don't know. I've ruled out "Captain America" because the Marvel comics group would clamor for royalties; but that does give me an idea.

Let's commission Marvel, or DC comics, or even my own brother, Charley, creator of the on-line comic book, "Argon Zark" http://www.zark.com , to create a comic book hero named, "Bushman." Have a character dressed in a cowboy hat, a red, white, and blue loin cloth, and cowboy boots with turbo charged jet propelled spurs. Have him armed with a never empty bag of rice to feed the starving good guys , and a nucular (note spelling there) powered blow gun to challenge the bad guys with. He would travel the world with his sidekick, DIck," Nitro Pillman," righting wrongs and winning elections with a single blow.

I think it would be a hit and it would sell more copies than Bills book any day. Maybe even Hillary's; who knows?